goodnight i made you a song goodbye
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
