Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
