every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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