i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
do herpes really smell.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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