Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
