dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
