My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
