I puked a lego.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
