dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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