I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
