The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We left the knife in your bed.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
