Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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