Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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