I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
