I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
