Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
