id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
