I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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