Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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