Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
