We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
