I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
