I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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