I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize