Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize