Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
