did you get engaged???
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize