hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
