Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
