So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
