Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
