I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
