Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
