I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
