No, drunk sperm still make babies.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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