went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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