You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
