I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
