I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
