So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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