I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
