She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
