i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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