I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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