Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
