Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
