I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
