my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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