John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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