the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
