Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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