I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
