the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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