The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
