I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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