Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Success! We fucked roommates!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
