Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
