My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize