Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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