why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize