I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
