I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
