Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
