PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
COCAINE IS GR8
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
