I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
