at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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