I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
