my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
