break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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