jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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