i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
