I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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