I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
