i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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