Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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