He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
