Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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