I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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