In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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