if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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