My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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