Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
